Numerous times I have joined a work placement agency to do a mind numbing brain dead moron work, been on the poverty line. Hard up, broke. Take your documents in, sign on the dotted line and you belong to us right now. Send me to a crap place with crap people for crap money for a crap agency. Staff UK sent me to Constellation Luggage in a run down Victorian cotton mill, £3.60 per hour. Sorting out suitcases busting your balls emptying cargo containers, stacked floor to ceiling, from Red China. Up to three separate places on as many days when I worked a week. If the idiots have not paid me the week later, where was I at? At Fashion Logistics sorting out clothes; you can’t even take a crap without the idiots interrogating you. Don’t like it there? Walk home down the motorway from Castleton to Oldham, be picked up by the Old Bill. Taxi!
To Rescource agency, to be placed at Bernstein plc, Middleton. Now shut. A real flat pack craphole! C’mon you idiots! First the bits flat into the boxes, have to beat the record! Xxx many thousands, beat the other line! You lad, who me? Yes, you! You haven't put the piece in flat, we had to stop the line. Frig you, I don’t give a frick, I’m only here coz they won’t give me my dole. I left another crap job - Park Cakes mental asylum. I eye up all the birds all day and listen to the radio, c’mon 4pm! Agency idiots at Rescource agency even charge me £3 a day for the privilege of going to their crap job. The boss is okay, short skirt and bare legs, I’d dance close to her. Late night drinks in Manchester for this Yorkshire bint. I waited one and half hours once to be picked up, at 5.30pm - guess who drove thru the gates to the small pond/nature reserve in her Pug206? Kerry to meet her fuck, didn’t give a hell about me. Then my lift came, idiot, no doubt as your lover ravished you, Bernstein plc style.
After that crap I went on the dole for nearly a year, 2001. My, it was a sweet time paid for doing frick all but my book “Juniper’s Daughter”. I did other agency work, same old shit but cash went up slightly. Real crapholes like Shiloh by Primetime Placement agency, Primetime hicks. The gelled up prick in a shirt who drove a new Golf said to me: “We have a cushy (crap) job, we can’t seem to fill it. Not sure why?”(You should try this, you idiot). I lasted two weeks, I wonder why? Packing nappies for Welsh pensioners! Guess what? I packed all the wrong ones on purpose, how funny is that? I worked with a professional Bangladeshi gang member who was going straight, after killing a man in a car crash, a psycotic metal head and a burned out 30-year-old ex-rocker. My boss was a cow, he told me off for swearing on my first morning, the idiot. Guess what I did? Went on the dole again and stayed there three long poverty stricken lazy years doing my poems in my mouldy council flat.
Did a bit more agency work with Esprit agency at DTS—that was okay. I loved working with the girls, some hot ones there! I used to dream about them when I got home.
Other agency work I did was crap in more ways than one, moving crap for Epping council at Cory Enviromental with New Wave agency, Aug and Sep06. Finished that, onto the dole again, not in smelly Oldham but in posh Essex! How I’ve moved up in the world. Was on it six months. What will I do next? More crap agency work? I’m registered with Blue Arrow, Triangle, Adecco and one I forget. Not got a single day’s work, what does that say? All crap! Run by southerners.
I won’t mention my temp to perm crap jobs that weren’t agency but here’s a taster – Littlewoods, Glyn Webb, Dunelm and Adomast come on down! I nearly forget, one agency put me down as a fork lift truck driver at a craphole hire and fire ’em place called Metool. Yet I was told I would be a van driver’s mate and then a lorry driver, not flt. What the frick’s going on? I walked out halfway thru my 3rd day. The dole is calling…all crap!
As the years pass, so do the shit agencies in-between free government cash. After I moved back north I was on the dole for three and a half years. I finally got a job back in the biggest craphole in Oldham - Park Cake Bakery! Run by two agencies, both crap: Gi Group and Alpha. Had an interview with Alpha. Idiot who ran it liked a certain team; I don't. No job. Then Gi Group and I was putting cherries on cakes again. For 11 months I did it before I did my grand walk out and left the dump.
After that I did some agency courses. Castleview were pleasant Gerordie lasses. Did the course. The promised job interview never turned up. A letdown. Twit! Number 2 agency course was ok. I had the interview but never got the job. Why? Screwing the system. Before I emigrated, I registered with Blue Arrow and did five weeks at Littlewoods, Shaw. Four weeks training to get up to speed, a weeks work including New Year's Day and then laid off! Nobbers! No more agency idiots messing me about doing muppet work.
I've emigrated out of craphole!
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