Wow! Tattoo My Butt Part 2 - Where Do You Think We All Will Be Tomorrow?
By Nick Armbrister.
Bizarre Man
I’m the bizarre man.
I like to sleep in a river.
I love the feeling of water flowing round my sleeping face.
Don’t worry, I won’t drown.
I can breathe underwater like a fish.
On my back is an upside down push bike.
It belonged to the landlord of the Dog and Duck pub.
I stole it along with his orange chequered brolly.
The bike is a 1928 model worth sixteen grand.
It’s not for sale.
The wheels move in the wind, freewheeling.
I keep my other clothes dry in an orange case that belonged to a copper.
I liberated it from his car.
No need for spare cuffs, CS gas, stun gun, bondage gear.
I don’t wash my clothes.
The running water cleans them.
My yellow Fred Perry shirt has never looked fresher.
And my PVC jeans are jet black gothic.
Do you think I’m bizarre?
I do hope so.
When I want to go somewhere, I use the bike.
I’m in the same position –
upside down with my back on the saddle and my legs steering the handle bars.
I see where I’m going by the eyes in the back of my head.
I’ll pop to the shop when I wake up from my dreamy sleep, dreaming of fish.
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