Safe as Houses

In the quiet pub nothing much was going on, it was a quiet afternoon that stretched on forever. No one was out, none of the regulars or strangers graced the bar. Tanya was very bored, she was two hours into a six hour work shift and she’d served just one customer two drinks. He’d since gone back to work, his dinner hour over. The pub was empty except for Tanya and Anelka, the black guinea pig in a cage in the lounge area. Not even she squeaked for a carrot, she was either asleep or bored like the bar girl.

The pub she worked in was called The Manor and was situated on a hill overlooking the small town below, down the winding road. Dark bleak moorland surrounded the pub on three sides. Even in summer it was a miserable forsaken place, with stunning scenery. One had to admit that. Views stretched for miles over the town and onto the flat plain below that led to Manchester and other adjoining big towns, ten miles distant. None of this mattered now to Tanya, she wanted something to do. But what? I’ve got to stay alert and on the ball, in case the boss turns up checking up on me or a customer comes in. Small chance of that!

Outside, a wind blew around the building, whistling round the brickwork and rattling the windows. A usual occurrence, being twelve hundred feet up on a hill led to the worst weather.

Tanya left the bar and closed the main door; it was inviting but let a cold draft in. People would know the pub was open, the welcome sign was lit up and the curtains open. A sure image of hospitality and warmth, backed up by Tanya herself. Through the door window she caught a glimpse of the view below and smiled, thinking, Down there people like me are getting it on having sex, drinking coffee while reading a raunchy magazine and having fun, not bored like me!

Returning to the bar, Tanya took stock of the bottles and glasses neatly stacked on shelves and in the fridges, all in order and spotlessly clean. Then it came to her, I know what I’ll do! Reaching down and opening the small fridge that contained bottles of chilled beer and alcopops, she took the first bottle and shut the door. In her hand was a bottle of Carlsberg beer, 275 millilitres. Nice and cold, unopened.

“This will be fun!” Tanya muttered to herself. “Quite a thrill.”

Lifting up her knee length light blue denim skirt, she pulled aside her lilac thong and felt her pussy hole. It was a little dry. Wiping some of the condensation of the bottle, she transferred this to her cunt. Not enough, so she spat on her hand and applied that. It helped and she slipped two fingers up herself, with little effort. Opening her pussy she massaged and played with her lush cunt, enjoying the feeling of new stimulation and sudden wetness that enveloped her hand. With careful moves, Tanya got the cold beer bottle and gently put it up her, guiding it up with her fingers. It was a good fit.

Coldness from the bottle took away the warmth of her pussy. With experienced hands she moved the bottle in and out fucking herself. The beer was very cold inside the glass; it took her body heat away like the sun burning away the valley fog. Effective and bloody marvellous! It felt amazing, the most basic feeling. Like she was dead, she laughed out loud. Such is my dark humour! Whoa, this feels bloody good. A fuck with a cold bottle of beer, damn cold! Just imagine if a customer walked in now! What a scare they’d have.

Just then the main door banged open startling Tanya who was fucking herself with the bottle. She thought it was the wind but it wasn’t; a man stood there. He was silhouetted against the door by the sun. This took away his features so he was a dark form. It wasn’t her boss though, the man was too tall.

The mad thing was this: Tanya didn’t stop her bottle action, she increased it and looked down. She saw her own hands use the bottle. In and out it went like a piston. Closing her blue eyes, she let fate deal with the situation. I’m going to satisfy myself now. I don’t care what the stranger does. He can join in!

Tanya started to cum, her orgasm arriving. She screamed and almost fell over, leaning against the bar for support. She felt another person’s hands join hers and she instinctively knew it was the man, helping her out. What did he think of this little show?

“Just like that?” commented the man. He sounded pleasant.

“Yes, just like that,” whispered Tanya, enjoying the bottle making her cum, in and out of her shaved cunt. This could get me into very serious trouble and cost me my job. But who is this guy?

“You have a lush pussy young lady,” replied the stranger.

“I know,” agreed, Tanya. Curiosity got the better of her; she opened her eyes and saw who was helping give her pleasure.

He bent over so he could hold the bottle; he carefully brought it in and out of Tanya’s pussy. The man wasn’t attractive in the normal sense but rugged with fair hair and grey eyes that held her gaze. A round face and several days stubble gave him an air of aloofness, backed up by a nice smile. Tanya returned his smile.

“Don’t stop. That feels just right,” she gasped. She kept one hand on the bottle of beer, making sure the guy didn’t do it too fast; it had to be done correctly.

“I’ve never done this before. Am I doing okay?” asked the man.

“You’re doing fine. It mustn’t be too fast or the metal lid can cut my insides. That happened once before.”

“I don’t want to hurt you in anyway. By the way, I’m Peter.”

“I won’t let you hurt me,” challenged Tanya, staring Peter out. She saw him look away, a sign of submission and that she was the boss.

“I’m Tanya. Nice to meet you. I’ll serve you when you’ve made me cum.”

“Okay,” replied Peter, concentrating on making Tanya cum with the beer bottle.

The green bottle slid smoothly up and down like a well oiled machine, a piston of lust bringing a young lady to orgasm. It fit nicely where it was, the neck of the bottle easily going up Tanya’s pussy. When the bottle got wider she struggled to accommodate it. There was more than enough length available to serve its purpose; an alternative fuck. Cold beer gently chilled her cunt, smooth wet glass brought an orgasm and it started deep within her. Slowly rising and spiralling to escape, an indescribable feeling of joy was born. It arrived.

“Ah fucking hell! Don’t stop. Don’t you dare fucking stop, I’m coming. Mother fucker, I’m coming! That feels so bloody good. Ah, ah, ah!” screamed Tanya, while she came. Her legs shuddered and her shapely arse banged against the side of the bar. She nearly fell over but held onto the top of the bar with both hands, allowing Peter to finish her off by himself.

“Go on baby, go on! Don’t stop,” Peter urged, using the bottle with both hands like a big dildo. Tanya’s orgasm seems to last all day, I wish I was her and could feel that!

“Oh Peter, I’ve cum, that was unreal. It’s never felt that good before!” said Tanya, her legs shaking in a final whoosh of orgasm. Her vision slowly returned.

“I only came in for a beer,” laughed Peter, slowly withdrawing the bottle and standing up. “I never thought I’d be helping you orgasm with a cold beer bottle!”

“One of my little surprises,” grinned the bargirl, arranging her thong and denim skirt. She enquired, “What drink do you want? You may have that one if you want?”

“Yes, this one is fine. Watch this!” Peter said, lifting the bottle to look at Tanya’s pussy juice dripping down the cold green glass. Taking a bar towel from the bar, he wiped clean the bottle. Reaching into his pocket he produced a set of keys with a bottle opener key ring. With a swift click the bottle was open and the lid rattled on the floor. Victoriously he took a swig of cold ale, smiling like a Cheshire cat. The bottle never touched his lips. She looks a nice girl but I don’t want to risk catching anything. One can never tell.

“Quite a show,” commented Tanya. “That’ll be one pound eighty please!”

“Not on the house?” asked Peter, trying his luck with a free drink.

She shook her head sternly. “We have a business to run you know? And my boss always checks the books, plus you’re only the second customer all day.”

“Okay then, here’s two quid. Keep the change. What did you do to the first punter then?”

“Thank you. Wouldn’t you like to know what I did to him?” teased Tanya.

“I would actually,” smiled Peter, taking a big swig of beer.

“I’m not telling but I’ll tell you one thing.”

“What’s that then?”

“Come into the back and you can fuck me from behind!” shouted Tanya, running into the back room of the pub.

“You little tease!” shouted Pete, slamming his Carlsberg down and chasing the girl. He caught her in the back room.

I wonder if he’s really up for it. And I hope he’s got a rubber! Tanya thought. She asked him, “You got a condom then big boy? Coz if you aint, you can’t fuck me!”

“I always carry one in my wallet,” replied Pete, taking his wallet from his jeans. Opening it, he eagerly held up a purple wrapper. An unused Durex!

“Good lad! I’m all yours then!” she craftily said.

“I want you to put it on for me. Would you?”

“Of course. Take down your jeans.”