ABLE ARCHER

ABLE ARCHER 

   Once upon a time in a wicked land run by two equally vicious power blocks there lived two nice black pussycats called Able and Archer. Both lived on nuclear missile bases being fed by active duty service personnel who served their respective countries in this wicked vicious world of half hidden nightmares and Cold War surrealism. Would both pussies get fried if it turned into a hot war? Able was a black gothic medium long hair pussycat aged five years. She lived at Greenham Common, a cruise missile base equipped with GLCMs - Gliccams - Ground Launched Cruise Missiles. These were amongst the West's new mushroom producing weapons that included the Pershing 2 IRBM (Intermediate Range Ballistic Missile) and the stunning MX Peacekeeper ICBM (Inter Continental Ballistic Missile). Backing these weapons up were the ALCM (Air Launched Cruise Missile) similar to the Gliccam but launched from aircraft like the B-52 bomber. Sub based Trident D5 SLBM (Submarine Launched Ballistic Missile) in nuclear missile boats like the Ohio submarines.

   Soviet/Warsaw Pact forces faced off American/NATO nuclear and conventional forces. They had new nuclear weapons like the IRBM class SS20 missile and AS15 Kelt ALCM. Their pussycat was called Archer, he was also a black pussycat fed well living on a missile base at Vostock in East Germany. Many other Soviet/Warsaw Pact weapons were being built and deployed but they were secret and not much was known about them other than they would kill millions of people and western pussycats like Able. Missiles fired from the West would kill millions more in the East along with their feline furry friends. For now peace reigned but it would soon be over, something terribly bad was in the making so the future for pussycats and their people owners didn’t look to rosy.

   It all started when Able the pussycat at the Greenham base was chasing a mouse for some fun; this mouse was brown in colour and Able believed that this small brown mouse was a spy and a communist sympathiser after the secrets of the base. So Able had to stop the mouse at all costs and by any means possible. A chase developed under the barbed razor wire, over the closely cut grass past armed American guards with loaded machine guns with safety catches off, onto the tarmac roadway which led to part of the missiles storage area. This was one quick smart mouse dodging this way and that, avoiding a NATO pussycat that pounced six times after this rogue mouse and missed. Was it the first of many? Over by the nuclear warhead storage igloo – a structure made of steel reinforced concrete topped off by earth and grass. The mouse had chosen this one carefully; the heavy steel door was open due to the maintenance crew doing weekly checks on the warhead for any problems. Had the mouse been told of this so it could gain access and steal the secrets for the enemy, the War Pac forces? With a loud meow Able ran a metre behind the speedy mouse that shot into the small gap in the door in the storage bunker, gaining entry to the most secret part of the British Isles. Stopping on the middle of the floor to observe and take in its bearings the mouse darted to the nearest warhead that was stored in a large yellow lead flask with danger and radiation signs and labels plastered all over it. The cat was on its tail like a guided missile to stop this intrusion, pouncing one last time in his only chance to stop spying and subterfuge Able jumped on the mouse. He did it! The mouse gave one last squeak and died as a paw was planted on its back and teeth snapped biting the mouse to end its short life of spying. Looking up in alarm the distracted maintenance crew laughed when they saw it was only their friendly cat Able chasing and having caught a mouse. He had to earn his supper the hard way, live mice and tit bits from the maintenance and base personnel. They wouldn’t give him a tit bit this time coz he had the mouse to nibble on, did the maintenance men know that Able had stopped a Soviet mouse spying on their secret nuclear weapons? After all this was a war, not just some highly dangerous game.

   When the mouse didn’t report back to Mouse Headquarters alarm bells rang, something was very wrong for a NATO cat must have compromised him. So more mice were sent out to gain the important information, how many pussycats guarded how many warheads at Greenham Common? In the cats head the conversation he should have with the communist spun out, theory after the practical. “Mouse what are you doing? Tell me! I know you’re an enemy agent up to no good,” hissed the cat. “What makes you sure I’ll ever tell you? Come, come and join us in the East. We need pussycats like you to defeat the evil capitalists,”  squeaked the brown mouse whose shifty eyes took in everything. Silence. Enough! I've killed the mouse for now we are safe no threat hinders us, for now. After sorting the intruding mouse out Able went back prowling the grounds always alert ready for anything. He saw the maintenance men close the door to the missile bunker. One of them spotted him and shouted, “Hey Able good work with the mouse! We can’t have it stealing our warheads. Here's a tit bit,” he threw a half eaten sandwich over to the black cat that was the saviour of democracy. With a meow Able pounced and ate the ham and cheese in one go. Perks of the job.  

   Able had an opposite number, a fellow black cat who was an exact opposite in each and every way. He was the guardian of similar weapons that belonged to his masters who had a different belief, communism. A direct challenge from the East to the capitalist West, he was called Archer. Archer was a very pernicious cat full of moods ranging from petulant to down right angry. He always expected to get his own way but one time soon he wouldn’t with bad consequences for all involved. What would the end result be? He didn’t know this man though as he guarded an SS20 missile site. Already he'd caught three NATO mice over a two-day period. Not a single secret had been stolen. It looked like NATO was planning something against the East but what - recon or full-scale war? Archer had to find out, not a single cornered captured mouse had spilled the beans, all died in silence then he had eaten their still warm corpses. A scant meal considering what was hanging overhead. “Comrade cat Archer good work with the vermin mice. Here's a dish of our finest vodka,” congratulated a soldier of the Nuclear Missile Troops. Archer wasn’t as posh a pussycat as her Western counterpart Able. Her coat was at best functional, none of the high glossy sheen or brushed daily nor was she fed tuna fish twice per week or allowed to sleep in the Enlisted Airman's mess when the weather was bad. No Archer slept under a TEL (Transporter Erector Launcher) that transported the deadly state of the art SS20 missiles. That was her home in early/mid November 1983 in a time when our world came close to World War3. Not since the Cuban Missile Crisis had the world been pushed to the edge, it was all a matter of pussycats catching mice.

   Archer black communist pussycat was wondering when would war come? What form would it take? NATO could only send over so many recon mice to filch our secrets. When would the mice stop and missiles and bombs fall? Of course we wouldn’t start the Third World War coz we are the good guys who want to co exist and be left alone. We'd have to catch an enemy mouse and make him talk but how do we do that? Every mouse that crossed the wire was spotted and caught but not one talked. That had to change. Almost silent rumours circulated of one of our Soviet spy mice being caught and talking, was it true? If so the communist ideal was under threat by the capitalist mice spies and guard pussycats. What were our leaders going to do about it?

   Meanwhile back in the land of the free Able enjoyed a nice peanut butter sandwich off a soldier for catching another enemy mouse. Crunchie nut, mmm my favourite! Soon the countdown to war would begin, pussycats, mice and nuclear bombs, oh and people!